The time my car got searched while I was nursing my kid on the side of the highway.

I can’t believe I forgot this happened, but also I can because I’m used to it.

Blake hated road trips as a baby, but because everyone wanted to see him but wouldn’t come to Arkansas, I eventually started bringing him back to visit family. One particularly regular terrible drive home, little dude was relentless.  About halfway through the Muskogee Turnpike, I decided to pull over and  nurse him.

I turn on the hazards, climb to the back seat and begin nursing him in hopes that he’d calm down. Within minutes, a highway policeman pulls up behind me.

I assumed he was just checking on me because of my hazard lights.

WRONG.

From the backseat, I roll down the window to a young man wearing one of those cute little top hats who wanted to know whose car I was driving.

This 2010 Altima with Taco Bueno bags and barbeque sauce on the steering wheel? It’s mine. Yes, I know, how could I afford such luxury? Yeah, I got the model with the SmartKey. I get it, you think I can only afford the base model. Duh, I’m married to a white guy.

Y’all know I didn’t say any of that simply because I am alive and here today to tell the story, but did I want to? Absolutely.

He asks what I’m doing pulled over on the highway, I explain, with an apologetic giggle and with my White People Voice ( usually reserved for phone calls and job interviews) I explain that he’s having a rough ride home and I had to stop and nurse him.

He then asks if he can search the car.

Uh, okay.

Another policeman pulls up and I stand on the side of the highway holding Blake while they tear through my car. I remember thinking that if they planted drugs in my car no one would believe me because I smoke. They get in the trunk and pull out all the shit you bring with you when you take your kid on a road trip. I’m dripping sweat all over Blake because I’m not sure what’s about to happen but I’m planning for the worst.

Eventually, the men stop after dumping my bags open into the trunk, telling me to drive safely. They left the mess.

I buckled Blake into his carseat feeling relieved that they DIDN’T PLANT DRUGS IN MY CAR and went about my life, because you know, this shit happens.

By the way I have more of these.

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